tugging

By solomon on February 19, 2025

take my word for it.

tugging

 

there is a loose thread in the fabric of reality

it becomes exposed when you study the mind for a long time

and you start to find it's like a hall of mirrors

a prism with infinite facets refracting the light endlessly

you start to tug on that thread

driven by curiosity

a desire to know the deeper mysteries of existence

since perception of existence is half of existence

experience of existence

arguable that it might be all of existence

point being

before I get too lost down the rabbit hole

you start to pull on the thread of knowledge that is

understanding the ever-evolving mind

and everything else becomes unraveled too

because for a human being

with a human level of understanding

perception is at the very center of it

and to understand perception requires perceiving perception

and to perceive perception requires stepping outside of perception

which creates a new perspective to perceive from

which means the edge of perception has expanded

and could do so indefinitely

and either it's a glitch or loophole in an imperfect cognitive structure

or it's a clue about the nature of consciousness itself

and by extension the universe

and because it is possible

it must be natural

and because it is natural

it is a piece of the puzzle

that can't be dismissed or ignored

without creating a biased understanding

of reality

so I've chosen

although in some ways it feels like no choice at all

to explore this realm of understanding

charting the pathways and patterns of my mind

and soul

and learning the distinction between them

which more and more turns from a clear line

into a big vague blurry area

but every observation I make

every secret I expose

cannot be proven

and is difficult to even put into words

because it exists in the language of pure experience

I know my mind and my soul

because I have felt them

but to describe a feeling

might as well be describing a color 

without using any other color as reference

words are thrown out but only serve

to color in the edges

of something with complexity and texture

that is much more than just a shape

so I just sound crazy

and I feel crazy

and I get very defensive about it

because I'm sad that no one will ever really know what I'm talking about

and I might have done all this internal research

and have nothing to show for it

at least nothing to show anyone else

I hope I don't get to the end of my life without meeting someone

someone who gets it

but in case I never do

I'm just gonna have to trust in my gut

and know that even though everyone else may think me a coward, an idiot, or a lunatic

I will have felt something they will never know

and I will know that something is true

it is real

and I need that to be enough

-solomon