The Power of De-Identification to Unleash Our True Potential

By Lily Jedynak, Ph.D. on August 31, 2023

Dr. Lily Jedynak is an exceptionally gifted multipotentialite. As a professional coach she helps women to flourish as they bring their gifts to the world. She holds six university degrees and is passionate about creativity as a writer, musician, and artist. She lives in Adelaide, South Australia.

The Power of De-Identification to Unleash Our True Potential

When Dr. Patty posted in ‘Bloomers’ FB group, ‘Monday Musing… Did you ever have to go through a de-identification process to rebuild your identity?’ my gut said ‘YES!’

But hang on, what did this term ‘de-identification’ mean?

My gut missed that step! Duh!

Always keen to learn something new, I had to Google, and down the rabbit hole I fell.

During my research, I came across another term, ‘disidentification’ which is subtly different from ‘de-identification’ in various psychological circles. For the purposes of this blog, I’ll stick with ‘de-identification’ and briefly explain this term so that we can be on the same page.

‘De-identification’ generally refers to the process of distancing oneself from certain aspects of the self or one’s experiences. This can involve reducing emotional attachment, dissociating from negative emotions, or separating oneself from particular behaviours or thoughts. The terms ‘de-identification’ might be used to describe techniques or practices aimed at reducing the impact of certain psychological issues or distressing experiences.

In short, the usage of the term, ‘de-identification’, highlights the idea of creating a psychological distance from aspects of ourselves, whether it’s for the purpose of gaining perspective, reducing emotional intensity, or fostering personal growth.

Because I resonate with ‘de-identification’, here’s a short story to encapsulate the process. When I was studying to become a concert pianist at the Conservatorium in my hometown of Adelaide, South Australia, I was seventeen and suffering from severe performance anxiety. You might be familiar with the signs: the shakes, the nausea, the ‘I’d rather die than walk onto that stage again.’ Unfortunately, advice about how to manage performance anxiety wasn’t readily available and I felt ashamed about my terrible ‘weaknesses’. Anxiety was making my life a living hell. Every performance was a major ordeal. I sought help from my doctor who gave me ‘betablockers’, pills that were supposed to relieve my symptoms. They didn’t work, except to give me a feeling of euphoria for about twenty-four hours after a performance, making sleep impossible.

Being a naturally creative soul, I began to problem-solve. I accidentally employed a rustic form of de-identification, not that I knew what to call it back then. I distinctly remember thinking about my sister before a piano performance. My sister who was probably having a good day in her role as a primary school teacher. I thought about what she would be feeling, thinking, doing. All was well in her world, or so I imagined. I remember thinking, ‘Why not pretend to be her right now?’ And so I did. I felt instantly calmer. This new perspective was enough to distance or disrupt my typical pre-performance nervousness, reducing the emotional intensity. By identifying with my sister, and dis-identifying from my own feelings, it opened some sort of gap where I could gain a greater sense of control over my anxiety. It lifted me out of an over-identification with my own body-mind-emotions and connected me with another, broader viewpoint. This allowed me to consider other ways of managing myself, as if, by easing into this freer space I could recruit more resources. For example, while I was performing, I noticed that instead of fighting my nerves by trying to suppress the energy, I could work with the energy and use it to fuel my playing. Another small but significant mind-shift or re-frame also helped by thinking about nerves as a form of excitement. When someone approached me before a performance and asked if I was nervous, I’d say, ‘No, I’m excited!’ This, too, gave me a greater sense of agency.

I’d love to tell you that these strategies fixed my performance anxiety. It didn’t but it certainly lessened the intensity and that was enough to improve the situation. It made performing more sustainable versus blowing a gasket! De-identification did support a more aligned, authentic sense of self in that I was less hung up on perfection and more available to connect with the music and the audience. I had the emotional bandwidth to feel my way through the music and express myself more fully.

Here's a snapshot of how de-identification can work as a process:

1. Self-reflection and Awareness – This is where the journey can begin, by recognizing where we could have become overly attached to our emotions or self-identity. I was certainly attached to the idea that to be a good piano performer I had to be perfect. Mistakes were a failure. I’d be a failure. I had to challenge these beliefs and thoughts and the recurring emotions that accompanied them.

2. Acknowledging and Acceptance ­– I had to acknowledge that my overwhelming emotions were hindering my growth as a performer and as a person. I had to face my feelings of shame and accept that being anxious was part of being someone who was doing something that felt important to me. I was doing the best I knew how with the limited resources available to me. Giving myself a hard time wasn’t helping!

3. Creating Distance ­– In the de-identification process, it’s important to consciously create psychological distance from the identified aspects. This could involve practising mindfulness, meditation, or cognitive distancing techniques. This is what I managed to do when I thought about my sister. It helped me to distance or detach myself from my own predicament which allowed a clearer perspective.

4. Exploring Alternative Perspectives – There might be more than one perspective that could prove useful. Exploring perspectives, questioning the validity of the identified aspects, are ways to move forward. Sometimes seeking guidance from therapy, self-help resources, or support networks can also support us to gain new insights and viewpoints.

Once de-identification has been achieved, it’s time for the rebuilding of identity process:

1. Self-Exploration – With a sense of detachment from the previous attachments, it’s possible to embark on a journey of self-exploration. This is an opportunity to examine our values, passions, strengths, and aspirations. This phase can help us to understand what truly resonates with our core, whole, authentic selves. For me this entailed exploring the value of connecting emotionally with the music I was performing and with the audience I was performing to. In fact, I was really performing with the audience. Performance became a co-creational space, and I began to feel freer to explore a range of emotions as a performer.

2. Defining Values and Goals – During this phase, we can identify core values and set meaningful goals. These values serve as guiding principles for the reconstruction of our identity. If I’d known about this step, I might have consciously wanted to explore the goal of being a more expressive performer vs a perfect performer. Or to share and promote a love of music versus having the rigid goal of getting ‘good grades’.

3. Personal Growth and Learning – This is about engaging in activities that align with our new values and goals. This could involve pursuing new hobbies, learning new skills, or engaging in personal development practices. If I’d known about mindfulness and ‘flow states’ I might have explored ways of being more present, connected, when playing the piano and sought to grow as a performer along these lines. Perhaps it could have supported me to take up meditation or yoga.

4. Embracing Authenticity – Rebuilding our identity involves aligning our external expression with our authentic self. Allowing ourselves to be true to who we are and letting go of the need to conform to external expectations are crucial. Here’s where I struggled as a concert pianist. External expectations were entwined with conformity to impeccable standards at the Conservatorium. Originality or freedom of expression wasn’t a priority. I struggled to be true to who I was in this environment. To be honest, I wasn’t a performer, and this was the identity I really needed to relinquish to find more authentic ways to express myself.

5. Integration and Alignment – Over time, the new aspects of identity can be integrated into our sense of self. The process of rebuilding identity is an ongoing journey that aligns with personal growth, self-discovery, and self-acceptance. Here’s where we can find ourselves fumbling, taking two steps forward and one step back. We need to give ourselves space and grace. It’s a dance on the path to a more empowered, authentic version of ourselves.

6. Continued Reflection – Even after rebuilding identity, we can continue to reflect on our experiences and emotions. We remain open to evolving perspectives and adjusting our identity as needed to stay aligned with our growth. After finishing my studies at the Conservatorium rather burnt out after four intense years, I moved on to a passion that was more congruent with my authentic, creative self. What began as a hobby turned into a vocation as a writer. But the story did not end there. What also began as a hobby, art-making, also turned into a vocation. And what I once thought was my vocation, piano performance, turned into a hobby. How the tables turn. What next, I wonder.

In summary, dis-identification matters. When we become entrenched in an identification, whether with a role, emotion, or belief, it can cloud our judgement and limit our perspectives. Italian psychologist, Roberto Assagioli, likened this to being submerged in a trance, where our other feelings, desires, and opinions can be blocked. Some might say our other selves are also disempowered. De-identification liberates us from this unconscious control, allowing us to take a step back and gain clarity. It’s like stepping out of a role temporarily to access that broader viewpoint.

For those Dabrowskian’s among us, I’m sure you can spot some parallels with The Theory of Positive Disintegration (TPD): the similar threads of growth, transformation, and conscious choice, from lower to higher levels of development, and the essential process of freeing ourselves from the grip of identifications that hinder our personal growth. Perhaps TPD is more inclusive of our sensitive emotions, urging us to engage deeply with our emotions to foster growth. Nonetheless, both dis-identification and TPD puts us in touch with the central, choosing aspect of our psyche. It empowers us to make conscious choices aligned with our authentic selves.

On a deeper note, we may also come to realize that beneath the personal self is the Composer, the Self, something we have always been and always will be beyond all forms of identification. At the very least, through deliberate de-identification from the contents of our personality, we gain freedom, and the power to choose either attachment or dis-attachment from any aspect of life, according to what is most appropriate for any situation. Thus we may learn to master and utilize our whole personality in an inclusive and harmonious synthesis.

Thanks, Dr. Patty, for your invigorating ‘Monday Musing’!