Parenting Language Ideas for Gifted & 2e Kids: Making Communication Playful and Effective

By Miranda Merrell on 10/28/2024

Miranda, founded a music and performance business as an adolescent. Now, despite a late diagnosis of ADHD, PTSD, and giftedness, she thrives as she advocates for the gifted community globally, spreading joy and compassion authentically. Miranda's journey showcases the transformative power of perseverance and her commitment to inclusivity.

Parenting Language Ideas for Gifted & 2e Kids: Making Communication Playful and Effective

First, a quick intro: I’ve spent a lot of time with kids—from studying child development to experimenting with playful communication styles while teaching all sorts of subjects over the last few decades, I’ve developed some go-to phrases that work well with children (my own included, who are neurodivergent in all sorts of ways).

These are tools that are helping us, please feel free to adapt them to your unique family dynamic!

"The floor is lava!"

When we use it: When kids are struggling to share or are hyper-focused on an object. 

Example: My kids are bickering over a toy. Suddenly, I shout, “THE FLOOR IS LAVA!” and they forget the argument, jumping onto the couch in fits of laughter. 

Why it works: It shifts the focus from competition to imaginative play. Even if we circle back to the original issue, the energy has shifted to something lighthearted.

Sometimes, changing it up with variations like "The floor is ice cream!" or "The floor is the moon!" keeps the game fresh and helps keep the fun going.

“Freeze dance!"

When we use it: When I really want to say “STOP!” or “BE CAREFUL!” but in a way that’s less jarring. 

Example: Instead of shouting “STOP!” when my son is reaching for something fragile, I call out, “FREEZE… DANCE!” (with or without music). He immediately freezes, and the tension drops. If I’m worried about something truly dangerous, I might just say “FREEZE!” and explain, “I’m feeling nervous about ___” (like the way he’s balancing on the edge of the couch). It opens up a conversation about safety without making it feel like a lecture. 

Why it works: Yelling “STOP!” can come across as harsh or alarming, but turning it into a playful game gives us a way to change behavior without a power struggle. It engages a cooperative moment rather than making them feel scolded.

“I’m so glad you’re my…"

When we use it: When I want to redirect frustration or switch things up when we’re in a hurry. 

Example: My daughter is getting frustrated with her shoes, so I say, “I’m so glad you’re my puppy!” She giggles and lets me help her as if she’s a tiny dog. 

Why it works: It’s a light-hearted way to lower demands and shift perspective, turning frustration into a game. It’s also a way to engage their creativity—who doesn’t love a quick role-play in the middle of a meltdown?

“I’m curious about…"

When we use it: When I want to encourage my kids to share their inner experiences without feeling interrogated. 

Example: Instead of asking, “Why are you sad?” I say, “I’m curious about what’s making you feel upset.”

Why it works: It invites curiosity instead of demanding answers, making them feel more comfortable sharing. It also keeps the interaction open-ended, allowing for any response—big or small.

“You look like you’re feeling…"

When we use it: When I notice an emotional shift and want to validate without assuming. 

Example: “You look like you’re feeling frustrated. Is that right?” It shows I’m paying attention without assuming I know exactly what they’re experiencing. 

Why it works: This validates their feelings and encourages open communication without making them feel judged. Sometimes, just giving them words to match their emotions can help them understand themselves better.

“Can we problem-solve this?"

When we use it: When my kids hit a roadblock or conflict and emotions are high. 

Example: My son gets frustrated over a Lego build that won’t come together. I ask, “Can we problem-solve this together?” It changes his focus from the frustration to a potential solution. 

Why it works: It acknowledges their struggle and offers support without taking control, fostering independence. It shows that you’re wanting to work together, not swoop in to “fix” things.

“I can change my mind about that."

When we use it: When I realize a boundary I set could be more flexible. 

Example: Sometimes I catch myself saying, “We need to clean up this mess before doing anything else.” If my child expresses that they want to leave that project out to complete later, I might reconsider and say, “You know what? I can change my mind about that. Let's come back to it when you’re ready.” This small flexibility can mean a lot to a child who feels like they rarely have control over decisions. 

Why it works: It models adaptability and shows them that I’m willing to listen and compromise. This isn’t about giving up boundaries--but about respecting their ideas and finding a middle ground. It builds trust and lets them see that I’m open to dialogue, change, and reasoning.

“I have an idea…"

When we use it: To introduce a new plan or redirect in a positive way. 

Example: “I have an idea… how about we clean up together and then have a snack?” It’s inviting and sounds like a fun proposal. 

Why it works: It’s engaging and doesn’t feel like a command, encouraging cooperation. It’s a great way to offer alternatives without coming off as bossy.

“Do you think it would work if…"

When we use it: To gently guide problem-solving without telling them what to do. 

Example: “Do you think it would work if you tried using the Lego tool?” It’s more of a suggestion than a directive. 

Why it works: It respects their autonomy and nudges them to think creatively. It’s a way to open the door for them to take the lead in solving the problem.

“That was crazy!"

When we use it: When something unexpected happens, like a spill or a bump. 

Example: My daughter trips and spills her water. I say, “That was crazy!” and she laughs, shaking it off. 

Why it works: It acknowledges the moment without assigning blame, making recovery lighter and quicker. It's also a great way to model resilience and humor when life gets a little messy. And, it allows for authentic reactions from your child—some things are “crazy scary,” or ouchie.

“Is it comfy like that?"

When we use it: When they’re doing something differently than expected. 

Example: I notice my son’s shoes are on the wrong feet. Instead of correcting, I ask, “Is it comfy like that?” He thinks, giggles, and fixes them himself. 

Why it works: It empowers them to self-correct without feeling criticized. It’s gentle guidance wrapped in curiosity, instead of outright disapproval.

“I noticed… will you tell me when you’re ready?"

When we use it: To give kids a choice in timing, respecting their autonomy. 

Example: “I noticed your nails are long. Will you tell me when you’re ready for a trim?” It lets them feel in control. 

Why it works: It respects their pace, giving them power over small decisions. For sensitive kids, having this choice can make a huge difference in cooperation.

“I have a question."

When we use it: To grab their attention or start a conversation. 

Example: “I have a question… would you like to help make pancakes?” It’s engaging and intriguing. 

Why it works: It opens up a space for dialogue without pressure. Questions are inherently engaging, and kids often light up when they hear them.

“Oooh, I like that even better."

When we use it: When they try something new or make a mistake while learning. 

Example: My daughter draws a recognizable circle, after a slew of scribbles. “Oooh, I like that one even better!” She beams with pride. 

Why it works: It’s encouraging and affirming, building their confidence without judgment. You’re not saying the first try was “bad” or “wrong,” you liked the first try—and you like the one that resembles a circle even better!

“I wonder if there’s a way you could say that more kindly?"

When we use it: When their tone is harsh or rude, and we want to guide them gently. 

Example: “I wonder if there’s a way you could tell me about your hatred of carrots in a kind way?” It’s a gentle nudge to rethink communication. 

Why it works: It encourages problem-solving and empathy, fostering more thoughtful communication. It’s about modeling kindness, not dictating it.

“Can we problem-solve ways to let your body feel angry that don’t hurt anyone else?"

When we use it: For kids with intense emotions who need a physical outlet. 

Example: “Can we problem-solve ways to express your anger that don’t hurt your sister?” It’s collaborative and non-shaming. 

Why it works: It validates their feelings while emphasizing appropriate ways to handle them. It makes space for big feelings while teaching boundaries.

By incorporating these playful and empathetic phrases, you can turn potential meltdowns into opportunities for connection and creativity. Every kid is different, and these ideas are easily adaptable, test-out-able, keepable, ditch-able, work wonders for a small time-able. I hope that communication with your child starts to feel like you’re on the same team, working together to navigate big emotions, small conflicts, and all of the silly stuff in-between.